Life and Other Things I Don't Understand
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
We've Gotta Be Nuts
Milo and His Royal Bitchiness (aka Brick)
Posted by Hello
Yes, we are insane. Certifiable. Two puppies at once. The primary puppy and the accessory pup. It’s like having two toddlers in the house, with one a bit more learned in the ways of not looking guilty and covering his butt to deflect all correction and discipline toward the furry Golden Retriever known as Brick.
I couldn’t figure out what to give Ed for an anniversary gift; there’s so many things he wanted, and the ones I could afford (small motorcycle parts), I knew I wouldn’t get right (like I’d order something for a different style of ‘75 Sportster or something), and the rest of what he’d like to have (big motorcycle parts) were just too expensive.
Ed solved the problem for me. He bought me years of love in a small, fuzzy, peeing-every-twenty-minutes package. It’s a shared gift, he said. He gets the affection and I get to clean up the puddles. Okay, okay, so it’s really not that bad, he cleans up his share of the puddles too, but I get to buy the carpet cleaner, wash the puddle-cleaning rags, search out the industrial-sized bag of Purina One Lamb Puppy Food for two growing babies (‘cuz the chicken-based puppy foods generate the worst smelling gas from the wrong end of those two puppies)...
So that’s where I’ve been these past two weeks instead of posting something here. It’s hard to hold a coherent thought with constant back-door duty and puppy sniff-watching. But it’s also been a blast to watch the two puppies play, rolling around what used to be my grass (sniffle) and just going at each other. And watching the wheels in his fuzzy little head turn as he figures out something new (like how best to steal whatever it is that Milo is chewing on), and as he watches my feet move in my leppardpaw slippers (they’re huge but very warm), watching for just the right moment to pounce and gnaw on one of the glittery toenails.
It may be even more sporadic to see new posts here, since I’ve never been known to be short-winded, and decent posts take longer than the time between letting Brick out and then answering the call of His Royal Bitchiness when he barks to come back in. Or he barks to get on the bed with Milo. Or he barks to get back down. Or he’s barking because someone is daring to snack and not share. For a male dog, he sure is bitchy.
But he’s so damn cute.
Saturday, February 12, 2005
Amusing Myself (Again)
Or, How To Turn A Sunfish Into An Angler Fish...
What were they thinking?
Posted by Hello
Okay, I just saw these boxers at Walmart, and about died laughing over the, uh, strategic placement of the fly...
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Wedding Bells and Weekend Plans
Well, it seems the only thing consistent about this blog is my inconsistency in posting to it. My sincerest apologies to those who check in to find that there’s nothing new yet again. My mind’s constantly picking up stuff and examining it for blog-fodder worthiness (got quite a stockpile in my head, actually), but the time to actually sit down and write about it is sporadic, at best. Damn real life...
Anyway...
This Sunday marks my and Ed’s seventeenth wedding anniversary. We haven’t killed each other yet, so we must be doing something right. No, really, as I’ve said before, I love that man to pieces and back again. He thinks I’m pretty, for one thing (poor, blind man). And he gets my sense of humor. Not everybody does. Sometimes people just look at me like I’ve sprouted a second head. (Hey, now wouldn’t that be useful! Anyone who knows me has heard me say that I’m not really all that intelligent, my head’s just cluttered with information that I have no use for. It just goes in and never leaves. So a second head, for all those purposeless bits, would be handy. Kinda like having an external hard drive for all that crap that you don’t want clogging up your real computer.)
But I digress. (And since when is that something new?)
I’m still not sure what sort of gift to give Ed... He recently was approved for unemployment, and all of the back checks arrived last Saturday, so, for now, money’s not a big problem. I actually could get him something without guilt. I just really don’t know what (all he really wants is Harley parts and a grinder so he can do some more customizing)... but to mark the occasion, I’m taking the Saturday prior as a vacation day. I was just gonna laze around, then maybe spend some time doing nothing in particular, but life had other plans. Instead, I’ll be spending it getting our puppy testicle injections.
See, when we adopted him from the pound, we agreed to have him neutered within two months (if we don't, first comes a fine, then comes Animal Control to take him away). That’s February tenth. The more we talked about it, the more I just couldn’t stand the thought of having him castrated. To me, that’s unnecessary mutilation, plain and simple. The dog goes to sleep, then wakes up thinking, "Holy moly, my favorite licking spot is sore! I think I’ll just make it feel better and lick my... where’d they go?! Who stole my balls while I was sleeping?! When I get my teeth on the shit who did this..."
So I’ve spent the better part of the last month trying to find a vet to do a vasectomy. Nature intended for male dogs to have testosterone for many reasons, sperm production being only one of them. It keeps them playful, makes them more of a home guardian, and, to some degree, shapes their personality. And I love Milo’s personality. He’s grown from a somewhat timid and fearful ‘pound puppy’ into a full-blown normal pup. Tearing around the yard, ripping through the house, barking at the doorbell, snagging belongings so we’ll play ‘try and get them back’... and snuggly and affectionate, with full-body-wagging greetings when we come home from being out. I don’t want to change that, and I don’t want to harm his trust by taking him to the vet to spend the better part of a day, first going to sleep, then waking up in pain and in a kennel cage like he was left in at the pound. I didn’t want to have to win his trust all over again.
Not one vet in the area performs vasectomies. Sure, vasectomies’re not unheard of, but try getting a vet to do more than snip, yank and stitch. It ain’t happenin’.
A call to the Albuquerque Humane Association, hoping they might have a reference or two for vets who will sterilize without mutilating, netted the perfect solution. And best of all, it’s free this Saturday. I called the sponsoring organization (SNAP - Spay/Neuter Assistance Program) and made an appointment for ten o’clock Saturday morning at the AHA complex (which just happens to be about the furthest point in Albuquerque from my little house in the suburbs... but my options are nonexistent, so away we’ll ride, Starbucks in hand and Def Leppard in the stereo).
There’s a sterilization drug that’s been on the market for just a few years, and it sterilizes without fully destroying the testes. It’s called Neutersol. One injection in each testicle and it’s over in five minutes. There’s going to be some swelling for about a week, and I’m sure Milo won’t be all that pleased to have a needle stuck into such a sensitive area, but if he only knew the alternative, he wouldn’t mind at all. The drug, a zinc compound, shrivels the testes to (eventually) about 1/3 to 1/2 their normal size. Testosterone production isn’t completely eliminated, but it’s suppressed to the point that sperm production is virtually nil. So he stays a male in all senses of the word except for his ability to reproduce.
Anniversary, maybe an evening just for two, and protecting my puppy’s nuts. What a weekend I’ve got planned.
